Déjà vu

I need an alarm clock that works. That actually awakens me. I've tried a few kinds and nothing works. I sleep way too soundly. Maybe a cat. Those would, at least, jump on me and lick at me with sandpaper tongues to get me to get up and feed it at a certain time. I've heard suggestions from everyone, but I'm at a loss. I just wake up when I wake up. I can't seem to wake up when I want to, pre-planned.

It's getting warmer. Which means shopping, sure, but it also means water skiing which I quite like and didn't get to do too much last summer. So here's hoping these next few months are fucking worth something.

Oh, and where's Juniper? I heard people talking but was interrupted by Beck's dog chasing Winnie's little thing.

Who: Grierito & Lex
When: Feb. 10th. Lunch.
Where: Project Stargate
What: Benito has been Grier for a few weeks now.

It was Grier's my Birthday yesterday! I didn't even have cake and I don't want cake... I had a pie instead and turned off my phone and didn't even turn my computer on. Just one of those days where you know you can take the excuse and use it to be lazy. I don't feel twenty two, but I suppose that's as good an age as any. It's even and that can't be a bad thing :)

I'm wondering if I could take a mini trip to California for the upcoming weekend. I'm controlled and if Dante thinks I can do it, I wonder if I can clear out three whole days? Lex can come with me, of course. I can't imagine going alone.

News Articles usually amuse me... but a sweet bit about some kids from the circus? Wow. I was actually annoyed. The story would have been better by someone who was against psychics, putting us in the category of "freak show" and it would have at least been fun to read.

Also that show starts on Showtime about the mom with split personalities. Yeah, norm writers are real winners. Make a comedy about this shit. I bet none of them are rapists or Italian horn dogs or vikings who wanna cap peoples heads and wear as fancy little hats while having tea parties with big breasted girls.

Oh well. I just thought I'd bitch. That time of the month and all. Or rather, should be. You all need to know these things. You live with me.

Today has been really weird.

Starting off slowly, I woke up, and I was confused. Like I had a hang over and couldn't remember the night before. I remembered something and it took me a long while to realize that the whole deja vu I had been feeling wasn't so much fabricated craziness, but actually part of Ruth's ability. I wonder if I have access to that on my own? At any rate, I threw up, was nauseous, had ten seconds of thinking I could be pregnant, and then fell asleep on the bathroom floor.

I could so write a book on the dramas of a psychics life.

I think theres someone new coming to the surface. How many times was I born in the past? Better yet. What if these people aren't really me. Just some psychic who has the ability to collect an entire persons memories and trade places?

This entry is going to land me in the shrinks chair.

This place can be either really loud or really quiet. Lately it's been quiet. Hmmmm.

Elisabet, we need a girls night out that includes shopping at the mall. I probably should do more of the girl thing and I'm addicted to Starbucks, anyway, so the mall seems like a good choice of location. I can't say I've kept up with the makeup, but the clothes? Addicted. Consider yourself a good influence.

Why couldn't I have been a pirate in a past life? That would be cool. I could swagger about and wear an eye patch and have a love for parrots. But no, I grunted and wore peoples skulls as hats and was burned for being a witch at one point. At any rate, I'm dabbling in my ability again. Sometimes I have to drug myself up, but then, it's not like this place doesn't have a good amount of stuff to throw myself out with. The thing I really want to try is precognition while I'm myself.

I watched Jekyll the other night. Made me feel a lot better about my "selves", I'll tell you that. Although a few reminded me of Jekyll in certain aspects. Oh well. I'm coming to terms that I'm never going to have a  normal life. Someday I'm going to be as dead as the rest of them so I might as well live something of fun now. Right? Whatever.

I haven't watched any TV in a long time and it's Friday night. Ugh.

I went skiing. The lake was cold and I feel like I might get sick. I'm still shivering and I think my hair is permanently going to smell like fresh water. I have nothing to write about.

I've been training on my own switching back and forth between persons and forcing the change myself. It works with some and others its a chance and I'm trying to do this without unleashing anyone potentially dangerous. The few problems I've had worked out. I'm taking a break from this and going to try and do some meditations and mental shields forced enough to block things from them. I'm contemplating putting a timing lock on my closet and dressing each in a different color so they can't change clothes so people will know who is who to avoid mistakes. It's just a stupid, probably won't work, idea. Considering some people won't be able to see color.

I'm hungry for cheesecake.

I woke up early and I'm bored. I've had one of those weeks where everything seems busy and yet you feel like you've done nothing at the end of the day. I'm in need of a little excitement. It also looks like rain today so I'm paranoid I'm going to turn into a seuss and stare out my window. With my bathroom done, what now? I woke up and took a bath, clipped my nails, groomed in a general sense, and am sitting at my computer drinking warm mango-strawberry tea. Maybe I should just be glad I stay myself today.

Tomorrow afternoon party in the third floor common room! I'm decorating. It's a birthday party for Koty. There will be cake. I'm thinking after 2pm in case he wants to go out later or whatever, so, we'll have snacks and drinks. I don't want any trouble and I expect everyone to behave! I'm not paid to be your parents and I'm younger than most of you in the first place. Got it?!

TOMORROW.

I'm in an excellent mood. Funny how that happens, huh? I even managed Garm during assessments very well. I'm still having the religious dreams and having hypnosis three times a week now. As cool as it would be to have been a Joan of Arc type, I really don't need the headache. I just want to be myself a little longer. Is that so hard to ask?

Koty, is there anything in particular you want for your birthday?

I made snickerdoodles. I am so domestic.

I feel very optimistic about today. Garm day be damned, I don't feel like being a viking.

A confession, though. I've been having dreams about some serious worshiping. I really, really, hope it's not some past life coming to the surface. It happened a few ways in the past this way - dreams, very realistic, waking me up in sweats at night. Considering most of my regressions are more recent lives, it's a little worrisome. Because the older ones have more control for showing up uninspired/allowed. I'm going to agree to the next level of therapy soon and maybe this will help sort it out. I want to be able to recall on things I once knew, as someone else, without having to "go back". Let's face it, there's quite a few past lives I could do without surfacing.

I have a sitcom living inside of my mind. Also I finally got some mail. From a past life. I bet there's no one else in the world who can say that, right? I'm so special. Yeah. Well it turns out someone thought I needed some new underwear. Edible. I can't really imagine this stuff tastes good, but if I get the late night munchies I suppose its just a drawer away. The thing that bothers me, however, is the fact I don't remember ordering this. At first I thought it was some sort of joke someone here was pulling on me, but then the more I thought about it the more I could remember. So now I am officially freaked out someone has found a way to hide memories from me.

I need a vacation.

I spend all morning ripping my bathroom apart. That's right - I'm renovating. I can't stand all the sitting around and doing nothing so I'm tearing shit up. I'm exhausted and pretty sure I got all the drywall and plaster out of my hair, but whatever. There's a group of us still going out tonight, right? Elisabet - I'll have to use your bathroom. I think I might wear that gray silk thing with those shoes? Or I could just stay in and make microwave popcorn and watch bad 80s movies. Whatever.

I went shopping the other day with Elisabet. It was fun. Interestingly enough, I got some clothes and makeup that I rather like. The material is a lot better than what I'm used to and I might have to nab her for more shopping in the future. She's a doll. With that said, however, I've done nothing since but walk around in my pajamas. I think everyone's sick and tired of seeing my Barney print bottoms and green tank, right? I'm a freaking kids cartoon dinosaur.

I want to go dancing. I'm half tempted to buy a date. The local police station (haha) is having one of those auctions. Buy a date with a policeman or a fireman and the proceeds go to the county or something. Whatever. Although the law isn't exactly my friend, and who wants a normal every day norm, regardless of how fun it would be to steal their gun or beating stick thing? Now. Besides Elisabet, who I'd be dragging, whose coming out tonight/tomorrow?

I love how people automatically assume I go around cutting myself up for fun. I'm not one of those people. This isn't a joke. I don't sit around thinking it's cool. I've got some pills, though, that make it easier to move around without wanting to rip all my clothes off and scream. I know how many of you would enjoy that. I've been here long enough.

So... no Hel tonight, folks. I know how much you all lover her slurring drunken dances and flirtations. Just me today, and maybe tomorrow. Maybe I'll just stay myself and drive everyone crazy.

That said, anyone want to go out tonight/tomorrow? I need to go out. Unwind.

I need some excitement. Besides shopping with Lex tomorrow. No one really has anything for me to do. I'll probably have a hang over on Wednesday because Tuesday nights are Hel nights. Someone promise me they won't let her dye my hair black or cut it off? I like my hair. However tomorrow is Monday and I think John's doing something for Stargate and that worries me. Thus, the needing of me wanting something exciting to do. Ideas?

Friday means that Angel is going to be gracing your presence for a couple hours. I will personally beat to a fucking pulp anyone who harms her/me. I know she's annoying - she's in my freaking head and I can hear the little twerp. Last time someone freaking slapped her unconscious and I had a headache for two days. Edit: I bought her a barbie. Don't do anything horrible to it, or she'll cry.